“Faith never knows where it is being led,
but it loves and knows the One Who is leading.”
~ Oswald Chambers

I know I shouldn’t be … but sometimes I can’t help but be in total awe of the way God works in my life!

There was something in our lives the girls and I were looking so forward to. I can’t share all the details at this point … but trust me when I say this “something” filled us with joy and filled a void we’d been feeling for while now.

We’d made some changes in our lives over the last few months relying on this “something” to come to fruition. Our whole everything was wrapped up and counting on it.

And then God decided to shut the door on our “something.”

We were devastated. Truly.

I heard God telling me He had something better in store for us, but in my despair and selfishness, I pushed His promises aside. In fact, I selfishly argued that we’d been through enough and deserved something positive to happen in our lives.

Arrogance much?

Fortunately, I’ve learned not to drag out my arguments with God and within a day had dried my tears, turned my heart around, and decided to trust Him. After all, trusting Him is a choice we’ve been given.

Faith is a choice.

I don’t always know what His plans are, but I can choose to always trust.

And wouldn’t you know? The very next day — the day after I stopped pouting and started trusting, just two days after our devastating news — God opened the door to a much better “something” for us. Something we’d never of seen or been aware of had He not closed that first door.

Once the girls and I were absolutely settled on knowing this second “door” was the best option for us …

Wouldn’t you know? That first door opened up again.

Even though that original door has opened to us, we know in our hearts the second option is better and what’s best for us. And we never would’ve seen it had God not redirected our paths.

Some may say it’s “coincidence.” And sure, it all could be, I’ll give you that. But I prefer to believe God is leading and directing my coincidences in this life.

Have you ever had a door shut only to realize God had something much better in store?

I gotta admit, tears came when I read what she {finally} did write.

Wynter Johnson is a sister to five. She loves playing with her family. She also likes to cook. She loves to walk her dogs down the road. She also likes to play with her dogs. She is 9 years old. Her birthday is November 3, 2003. She was raised in Wisconsin, but moved to North Carolina. In Wisconsin she left a very important friend. Her name was Audrey and Wynter is never going to forget her.

I can’t help but wonder at what point in her writing I captured this photo. Was she thinking about her family? Missing her dogs? Remembering our move? Or reminiscing about a very important relationship in her life?

My life for the last year and a half or so, has me doing all I can, with all I have in me, to keep my head above water. When even the slightest bit of heavy sneaks its way into our lives, it pulls me under. And that’s where I’m at. Sputtering to keep my head above water.

I wish I didn’t feel so deeply. I wish I didn’t care so much. I wish I could close the door and walk away. But God didn’t create me that way. I’ll tell ya what though … I’m so thankful to be in the middle of the 31 days of faith online study … as much as I’m journaling and encouraging you every day, believe-you-me I’m letting each word and truth sink deep into my own heart.

Anyway. I’ve been struggling with this emotional mess and in the process have been just a wee bit short-tempered, impatient, and preoccupied. And, ahem, please don’t ask my children for a definition of “wee bit.”

Last night I was at my computer when the girls came bounding in … all loud-like and full of energy … you know, like kids do. I had just clicked over to this post and quickly read mid-post, “Distracted by one wrong thing, I was missing out seeing many right things.”

As Hunter hit the iPod play button, Wynter broke out in a crazytown dance, and Piper stood by observing it all … my annoyance and impatience gave way to smiles as I too, decided to turn my twit around.

With my twit in check, it was a better day. And truly … we have so much to be thankful for. So much to give praise for. Those are the things we need to stay focused on. His mercies are new each morning … it’s our choice to take hold of them or not.

How ’bout you? Could your twit use a little redirecting today? Wanna make a deal? Next time we feel our twit out of whack, let’s stop what we’re feeling and say to ourselves, “turn my twit around.” Maybe on repeat. I had to do it a few times today and ended up making myself smile. Seriously … how can you not smile by saying, “twit.”

One last piece of wisdom from Lysa:

The Devil loves to make us focus on the little that’s
wrong so we miss the big picture of all that’s right.

Nothing like an abandoned checker board to grab my attention, put my emotions in check, and quiet my spirit.

My life is nothing short of crazy. Truly. I really should don a red helmet and carry a hose on my back because it seems all I do is move from fire to fire.

Humor me as a share a sampling and then circle back to my thoughts?

Monday night I was on my way to a painting class/party at a friend’s house. I was pretty excited and looking forward to it. I had my Texas caviar and watermelon margaritas all ready to go!

First hitch, Taylor … my sitter for the night, was late. And. I couldn’t reach her anywhere. For over thirty minutes. Morbid thoughts started assailing me when I finally got a text from her.

With 20 minutes to spare, she finally made it home and packed up the girls to take them to dinner. The girls had friends over and Taylor had a friend, which made 7 in total so they needed to take my car. Which was fine because it gave me the opportunity to hop in my never-used sports car, and I couldn’t wait to drive with the top down and wind in my hair!

I pile everything into my car, watch Taylor back out the drive, and turn on my car raring to go. I push the button to take the roof down and nothing happens. Well … actually … I did get a “click.” But I didn’t get any roof-coming-down action. So I tried it again. “Click.” And again. “Click.”

And then. Liquid started pouring through the roof of the car onto the console. Not dripping. But pouring. A green, greasy-like fluid. It started pooling in the interior light fixtures and continued to pour onto the console.

For some reason Taylor pulled back into the drive. Now what was the reason again? Thinking … thinking … oh yeah! Money. Humpf.

But good thing, cuz I needed the keys to her car.

While she was getting me the keys, and I was getting a bucket in place to catch the unwanted, green, greasy-like matter pouring into my car … a boy comes into the driveway on his bike. Selling raffle tickets.

And since I’ve got my wallet out handing cash over to the teen, I figured I’d get a raffle ticket too.

It’s currently 6:55 and the party starts at 7:00.

As I’m filling out my raffle tickets, the boy’s dad pulls in on his bicycle. He sees our Wisconsin plates, tells me he’s from Chicago, and proceeds to tell me his life story.

They leave and I’m finally on my way.

Let’s see. Then there’s yesterday morning. Well … first, let’s quickly back up a month to some extremely extensive and painful dental work that left me with a temporary crown. Given mine and the dentist’s travel schedule, it was about four weeks out ’til I could get the permanent crown put in place. That probably would’ve been just fine. But let’s say hypothetically a milk dud might’ve pulled it out about three weeks too early. And the derned thing kept coming off, leaving me in quite a bit o’ pain!

I was thankful to finally have the permanent one put on. Yesterday morning.

When he took the temporary one off and left my nerves exposed to the air and cool squirting water that seemed so important to get in there, I just about jumped outta my chair! It seemed fruitless to get a novocaine shot for 10 minutes of work {I really do hate those shots}, so instead I sat there in excruciating, yes excruciating pain as he fiddled and futzed and made it just right.

There may have been a tear or two, or five hundred.

Meanwhile, I get a call from home. And a voicemail.

During a break {dentist, not me}, with cotton in my mouth, and tears on my cheeks, I listen to the voicemail. It’s from Wynter and it goes like this:

“Hi mom. It’s Wynter. I threw up and have throw up in my hair and I’m wondering if I should take a shower. That’s all. I love you. Bye.”

And a few more tears may have fallen {me, not Wynter}.

Anyway. Torture dentist done and I’m on my way home.

And the Invisible Fence {dog training} guy calls and says he’s on his way to the house for training {dog, not me}. “Okay, I’m on my way there and will see you soon,” I say.

And then a call from the plumber. He’ll also be at the house shortly. See, the day before a water meter guy rings the bell and explains to me that I’m using some 77 thousand gallons of water in the last few weeks, and my meter is running out of control which indicates there’s a leak in the house somewhere.

I get home and am literally bombarded as I walk in the door. Oh! and did I mention, there’s already a guy in the basement wallpapering a bathroom that had previously been torn apart due to mold in the walls?

And that I needed to get Taylor out the door to a doctor’s appointment for a pretty banged up arm {go-carting accident}?

Anyway. The crazy continued and I could go on, but after 800 words, I’m thinking you get the gist.

In the middle of all the above, I found myself standing at the kitchen table where an abandoned checker board sat. It was all set up and ready to play. Sadly, I recalled the prior evening.

In the middle of preparing Texas caviar and margaritas, Hunter asked if I’d play checkers with her. I told her I would and to set it up on the table so I could play between my prep. She took her turn and told me it was mine. I said I’d be there in a minute so she asked if she should play my turn. I told her that was a good idea.

And that’s all I remembered. And now it sat there. Abandoned.

I was up to my eyeballs in the crazy of the morning, but felt a peace overcome me as I knew what I needed to do. I found Hunter and asked if she wanted to finish that checker game.

I may be getting misty as I’m recalling the sheer delight on her face as she excitedly answered, “yes!” and ran off to find the game.

I don’t know. No big epiphany, metaphor, or analogy from me today. Just a message to say that sometimes in the middle of crazy, all it takes is a simple reminder of what’s really important in life. The crazy’ll always be there. My prayer is that my eyes are always open to what matters most.

We traveled back to Wisconsin a little over a week ago and drove the girls up to camp where we met up with their friends.  They were so excited, I think they barely said good-bye!

But that was just fine, cuz I got to spend the week with this little cutie!  She was such a bundle!  A completely different girl without her sisters and I think just so happy to have mom & daddy all to herself.  I really need to be more intentional about carving out special time with each of my girls.

And … huge sigh … as much as I enjoyed the week, and spending time with family and friends … going back to Wisconsin, and just plain being in Wisconsin is just so hard for me.  In fact, get your coffee ready … I’ve got some brain vomit thoughts headed your way!

I believe that our story will be to God’s glory someday.  But you better believe when I enter those pearly gates and see Him face-to-face, my first question just might be “really God?”  ;)

Some of you know what we’re going through, and some of you don’t.  I won’t be talking about any specifics or sharing details.  But I’m not going to hide.

I’ve had emails and comments from {whom I believe are} caring people asking me to take down my blog, take down photos of my girls, youtube videos, etc. … that I should be protecting them.

And yes … if the thousands {yes, thousands!} of new hits to this blog are any indication … there definitely are people out there that will be feeding off of our “misery.”  But you know what? so be it!  Anyone that is an avid reader of my musings knows that I have the love of God living inside of me.  I have never backed down or hidden from my trials.  And what others might view as “misery” … my God turns to victory!

Are there some things I don’t disclose?  Sure!  But my main goal has always been to share the positive side of the trials God has allowed into my life.

The thing most people don’t understand is that God has allowed me to look at my trials through His eyes and with His love … not the world’s.  The world is full of hate and unforgiveness.  Seriously, who has the time and energy to put their focus on things that will tear them down?

Many, many, many of you … readers I didn’t even know I had … or that knew “who” I am, have contacted me with love, support, encouragement and prayers.  I am forever thankful and blessed by you.

You are the ones that I’m writing to …

When you have an active and intimate relationship with your Lord and Savior … He will sustain you.  As I’ve told some, I’m currently a walking Scripture cliche … I am living and breathing Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

I would. not. want to be facing this trial without my Savior.  And it breaks my heart to know there are people struggling through this life without Him.

My prayer through this journey is that if even one of you come to know Him as I know Him … then our trial was not in vain.

And as far as my girls are concerned … those of you that are followers here for the right reasons, know that it’s my utmost desire to instill the love of the Lord in them.  To show them what it looks like to walk in His grace.  In His love.  In His goodness.  To live for the eternal, not the here and now.

And sure, some of you may have your own opinions and judgments … but please know it hasn’t been without much prayer and consideration that I’ve decided to stay true to myself.  Would I ask my girls to back down and hide?  Or would I want them to share with the world … what the enemy has intended for bad … our Lord will turn for good?

I choose the latter …

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There is a time for everything,
and everything on earth has its special season.
There is a time to be born
and a time to die.
There is a time to plant
and a time to pull up plants.
There is a time to kill
and a time to heal.
There is a time to destroy
and a time to build.
There is a time to cry
and a time to laugh.
There is a time to be sad
and a time to dance.
There is a time to throw away stones
and a time to gather them.
There is a time to hug
and a time not to hug.
There is a time to look for something
and a time to stop looking for it.
There is a time to keep things
and a time to throw things away.
There is a time to tear apart
and a time to sew together.
There is a time to be silent
and a time to speak.
There is a time to love
and a time to hate.
There is a time for war
and a time for peace.
{Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NCV}

The time has come for me to close {tsj} photography.  The actual business that is.  My photography business.  Trust me … it’s not been without much prayer and consideration … but right now, it’s the best thing for me and my family.

I’ve decided to keep the business name on my blog {and URL’s}, but I’ll be closing down the actual portfolio/information links on my main website.  Over the next couple of months there may be some glitches here and there, and I’m praying you’ll hang in there and continue to follow me on this journey … this next, next chapter that God is leading me to.

What ultimately is leading my decision are some changes my family is facing right now, as well as the stress said-changes are playing out in my body.  Particularly related to MS.  I mentioned a couple of weeks ago about a relapse of optic neuritis … well, it’s back … again.  In the other eye.  And I started another round of more aggressive IV steroids yesterday.  My vision is quite blurry.  Praying that it comes back, but it could take up to 3 months for that to happen.  With MS when the nerves die, they die … so even glasses won’t get my vision back to normal.  Given this, I just can’t guarantee {or feel the pressure} I can deliver quality, clear images … not to mention the burden of editing images with blurry vision.

Anyway.  So I’ve decided to pursue photography for fun right now.  Who knows? maybe some day I’ll be back.  But for now … a long, much needed break from the responsibility of a career to focus on my health and family.

I’ll also be closing my studio and selling some of my props, etc.  If anyone is interested, please feel free to contact me …

Thank you, dear readers.  I feel so blessed to have this space to connect with all of you … this little outlet that has given me the opportunity to get to know some of you … praying we can continue on this journey together!

Wishing you all a blessed and happy weekend!

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For Piper it was the healing of our puppy Pebbles.  Pebbles was paralyzed and spent about 3 months in a rehabilitation center this summer.  And when Pebbles finally came home, he still couldn’t walk.  We got wheelies for him, but that was a pain in the butte!  He couldn’t control his bladder or bowel and that didn’t make for a very happy CJ {our pooper-picker-upper and chief dog caretaker … and sure, someone else could take over, but he’s over our shoulder telling us we don’t do it right and he redoes it and so … well … we just let him do it}.

Anyway … when Pebbles came home, he had no use of his back end.  But that didn’t stop us from praying, in fact, the girls still continue to include him in our prayers … and … he’s been healed!  He still has a way to go to be “normal” … but he’s using his hind legs for walking now {most of the time}, and his indoor messes are fewer and far between!  What a blessing for Piper to be able to recall a visible answer to prayer and then to document it for us to look back and see how God is working in our lives.

After our 2010 Reflections, I had each one think about their 2011 Intentions. Aren’t I tricky for including them in my 2011 word?

I pray for them to be intentional about their lives.  About the way they live.  The way they play.  The way they form relationships.  About devotion and prayer time.  About their relationship with their Savior.

So I asked each one of them what they would like to focus on for 2011, and each of them gave me answers … although, her sisters helped out with Hunter’s.

I also asked the girls to think about a Scripture verse that would be their very own Scripture for 2011.  We would memorize it, reflect on it, pray on it, and live it out.  Piper and Wynter picked theirs based on their favorite SEEDS songs … although Wynter’s really applies to her and we use it often when she’s getting anxious.  I gave Taylor’s hers … she picked out a different verse, which was nice, but she picked it cuz she “liked it” … and I really wanted their verses to be meaningful to them.  And Hunter’s … well, based on her 2011 intention to “try to stop whining” {which the girls told her to say} and based on where she’s at in her little four year old life … I picked hers.  ;)

Taylor :: Jeremiah 29:11
Taylor has a tendency to view the world as being against her in a “glass half-empty” kind of way.  My prayer for Taylor has been that she think outside of her own world and instead, try to find her place in God’s bigger picture for her.  I’ve seen some progress in her this past year and look forward to continuing this “lesson” with her.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Piper :: Psalm 34:10
Piper a lot of times cries when she doesn’t get her way or doesn’t get something she wants.  And although, she picked this verse for herself, it really brings home the message I’ve been trying to instill in her … to place her treasures on heavenly things.  I’m looking forward to continuing to explore this verse with her.
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Wynter :: Philippians 4:6&7
Wynter … well Wynter, as I’ve mentioned before, is my nervous-anxious girl.  She tends to let too many things get her to thinking too deeply, and sometimes too darkly than I think is healthy.  I can’t wait to see how the Lord uses these words to bring peace to Wynter’s heart.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.

Hunter :: Ephesians 6:1
Ohhhh … and my little Huntie!  I think the verse itself pretty much sums it up for her!
Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.

I’ve not done this before with the girls, but I’m really excited to see what this intentionality brings to their lives, their hearts and their relationship with God.

See my littlest bundle of joy?  She is growing up faster than I want … they all are.  Geesh! Taylor’ll be SIXTEEN this year!  SIXTEEN.  Are you hearing me?  ONE SIX!  And driving.  And working.  And growing.  This weekend, I was watching old movies of Taylor when she was exactly the size of Hunter above.  Even the same haircut.  And yes … so what if my heart is playing tricks on me right now and tears are forming realizing how quickly it all went.

Have I mentioned my oldest will be SIXTEEN this year!?

Sorry … didn’t mean to get all ADD on you there!  So anyway … intentional.  My goal this year is to be intentional.

Intentional in spending time with my Savior :: I’m joining Good Morning Girls with Stef & Amy
Intentional in my parenting :: I’ll share tomorrow what I have up my sleeve
Intentional in homeschooling Taylor :: I’m going to start scheduling time in with her everyday
Intentional in exercise :: honestly not sure how I’m going to stay accountable on this one, but I’m working on it!
Intentional about meal planning :: I’ll be scheduling a time each week to plan out our menu
Intentional about organizing our home :: I’ve already started & will continue to work on each room throughout the year
Intentional about simplifying :: Courtney sent me a note about her new site & mission and I am so ON BOARD!!

On our trip to Israel this past year … God whispered to me “Be still and know that I am God.”  I was trying so hard to hear Him … questioning why He wasn’t talking to me … just busy, busy, busy trying desperately to hear Him.  When out of the blue, and in a quiet moment on the Sea of Galilee, He spoke … “Be still and know that I am God.”  In many ways, I equate this as being intentional … or, stay with me here … proactive.

When I think of being proactive, or intentional … I visualize being organized, in control, on “top of things,” and at peace … or still.

When I think of being reactive, I visualize being out of control, unorganized, hurried, stressed, and very … unstill.

So yeah.  Bottom line … I know without a doubt that God has been preparing me for something big … and although, that “bigness” is yet to come … He’s in the process of prepping me for that journey right.now!

Be still and know that I am God.  Be intentional in the life I’ve laid before you, and you’ll hear Me.

Do not be weighed down by the clutter in your life: lots of little chores to do sometime, in no particular order.
If you focus too much on these petty tasks, trying to get them all out of the way, you will
discover that they are endless.  They can eat up as much time as you devote to them.

Instead of trying to do all your chores at once, choose the ones that need to be done today.
Let the rest slip into the background of your mind, so I can be in the forefront of your
awareness.  Remember that your ultimate goal is living close to Me,
being responsive to My initiatives.  I can communicate with you most readily
when your mind is uncluttered and turned toward Me.  Seek My Face
continually throughout this day.  Let My Presence bring order to your
thoughts, infusing Peace into your entire being.

:: from Jesus Calling ::

I read this the other day and my entire being started screaming “AMEN! AMEN!”  But now the hard part … following it!  I’m working hard at letting go of the little things and focusing on the things that matter most.  But no matter how much I think I’m prepared, or how good my intentions are to be “all wrapped-up” with my projects and to-do’s … just as this devotion says “you will discover that they are endless.  They can eat up as much time as you devote to them.”

Isn’t that the truth?

I don’t know about you … but I choose PEACE!!  And if you hear someone chanting “peace, peace, peace” today … that’ll be me and I’d love for you to join me! ;)

OH! I almost forgot!  Do you love my new manger set?  I bought it in Israel and it’s carved out of olive wood.  I think I could look at it all day …

Merry Christmas!  It’s FOUR days away {in case your kidlets aren’t counting it down for you!} …