I started this post with the sole intention of sharing an inspirational song.  But I’ve decided to share more …

Most of you know about the health issues I’ve been going through since the beginning of the year.  I last updated you in May, after my eye doc appointment, where it was confirmed I have significant nerve damage in my left eye.  And that was the end of that, with a couple of follow appointments scheduled to stay on top of any progression.

What I haven’t done, is update you on new symptoms I’m experiencing.  The symptoms started just a week or so after that May update post and have continued to get worse.  Facial numbness, tongue numbness, bladder stuff, fatigue, eye sight, toe numbness, loss of concentration … geesh!  I feel like I’m having a harder time editing photos … like seeing the screen clearly, I don’t know how to explain it fully.  And unfortunately, I use my left eye to take photos … so I’ve been working on using my right eye more.

Anyway.

I’ve been in contact with both my life saver neurologist {Traci} and the other MS neurologist I’ve seen.  I’ve had another MRI done … the one ‘blip’ spot is still there, along with a new one.  Both small.

Small enough that the MS doc says my MRI, “is not that bad.”  But the spots do have Traci concerned.  Unfortunately, she can’t treat me for MS, so I’ve been trying to work with the other doc.  After numerous emails and a phone call, he believes I have something called ‘small fiber neuropathy.’

The reading and research I’ve done doesn’t lead me to believe this is what I have.  I’m not a doctor, but the symptoms just don’t line up for me.  My symptoms are getting annoying and bothersome and I’d love to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later.  This doctor has me scheduled for autonomy testing for August 13.  AUGUST!  Then … while we were out of town, the office called and left me a message changing my appointment to an earlier date.  By time I got back to them to let them know I couldn’t make that date, they’d canceled the August appointment and now can’t get me in until the end of August.

In the meantime, I’ve got a numb face! :(

Traci has been great through all of this and is helping me get to the bottom of it.  Although small, she doesn’t think two spots on an MRI are a good thing.  And she believes the symptoms I’m experiencing align more with an MS diagnosis.  And while she absolutely has stressed she doesn’t want anything to be wrong with me, she’s helping me make sure I’m not ignoring any signs.

That said … I’ve found a new MS specialist right in town and will see him next Friday.  What I’d really like to have happen is a spinal tap.  I mean, not that I want a spinal tap, but it’s one of the most accurate ways {90%} to diagnose MS.  Especially without clear {or apparently large} brain lesions present.

Okay, so after all that … why am I sharing now?

Cuz I had a mini-breakdown this morning.  And started feeling sorry for myself.  And started crying.  And that’s not typically me.  So what was up?

I’m not sure.

CJ is out of town with the girls … huge long story that I won’t bore you with … but the summary of it is that I screwed up our calendar and forgot to put “the lake” on my calendar, but he had it on his.  So I was busy planning away on my end {Taylor camp, a party for my nephew who’s being deployed}, while CJ thought we were going to the lake.

Anyway.

I went to get my hair colored taken care of this morning and completely did. not. see a huge median/curb thing and ran right over it.  No biggie in my SUV, but the problem was the large boulder sitting at the end of it.  Did some significant damage to the ol’ SUV.

I got that horrible, panicky feeling and then started thinking {not sure why my thoughts led me this way …} about my symptoms and started feeling sorry for myself.

This is some pretty significant health stuff I’m going through, so it’s understandable to a certain extent.  But I kinda started with the ‘why whoa is me’ stuff … and that’s just not cool.

Fortunately, I was able to pull it together quickly enough for my hair appointment.  While I was sitting there, I was thinking about this post {the original intention of the video and lyrics} when I remembered these very important things:

There is a reason.  Don’t know what it is.  I’m working through it.  And I know God had a plan.

So … without further adieu … my original post:

I love, love, love inspirational music!  I almost always relate to and find comfort in the lyrics.  Here’s one of my current favorites from Brandon Heath, “Wait and See.”  I couldn’t find a video for it, but found one that someone put together on YouTube.

If you’re discouraged, wondering what your purpose is and why things are happening the way they are … just remember … He’s not finished with you yet.

This line gives me goose bumps:  And the farther on I go, I’ve seen enough to know, That I’m not here for nothing, He’s up to something.

Thank you God, for your wondrous plan!

I was born in Tennessee
Late July humidity
Doctor said I was lucky to be alive

I’ve been trouble since the day that I got here
Trouble till the day that I disappear
That’ll be the day that I finally get it right

Chorus

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

I never really was that good in school
I talked too much, broke the rules
Teachers thought I was hopeless fool alright

I don’t know how but I made it through
It’s one of those things that you’ve gotta do
But I always had a knack for telling the truth

Chorus

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something

So now’s my time to be a man
Follow my heart as far as I can
No telling where I’m ending up tonight
I never slow down or so it seems
But singing my heart it’s one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight

Chorus