dear weary mom

Dear Weary Mom,

I don’t remember exactly how it happened, all I remember is how quickly it happened. That, and the sheer panic, terror, and fear that followed.

SMASH!

I’d slammed on my gas pedal instead of the brake. Right into the back of my daughter’s car.

Shaking, I jumped out of my car and ran over to her. She was sobbing asking why I did it. On the verge of sobs myself, I yelled told her I didn’t do it on purpose!

We pulled over to look at the damage and get a grasp on what just happened. We held each other and cried. She asked why she just couldn’t get a break? I countered with, “Why can’t our family just get a break?” Life seems to be throwing us one train-wreck after another.

Soul-crushing wreck, after soul-crushing wreck.

Can anyone relate? Do any of you wonder when you’ll just catch a break?

I am plumb worn out. Physically. Emotionally. I feel like I’ve had all I can take, and I don’t want anymore.

I’m even walking the dangerous line of thinking, “I deserve to have a break!”

And then guilt sets in.

I should be praying more. I should be better at giving it to God — you know, “Let Go and Let God?”

I know what I should be doing. But it’s the doing that has me stuck.

I love God with all my heart and I know I wouldn’t be standing without Him as my guide and strength. I believe this with every fiber my being. I know God loves me. I know my friends and family love me. My faith is unshakeable. It truly is.

Yet, there are times lately I just can’t seem to get out from underneath the weary and hopeless state I find myself in.

If you’ve ever felt this kind of hopelessness, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“I’m tired. I’m worn. My heart is heavy. From the work it takes to keep on breathing. My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. I know I need to lift my eyes up.

But I’m too weak.

And life just won’t let up.”

I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen Tenth Avenue North following me around over the last few months! How then, I wonder, did they write a song just for me … and countless others who are struggling right now?

Friends, on this link, Mike shares some beautiful thoughts. If you have the time to watch, I’d really encourage you to do so.

I absolutely and completely agree with Mike, “it’s rarely the easy and comfortable times that God’s doing something good.”

He changes us in the mess of life. “Our God is a God who brings beauty out of pain.”

{if you’re reading from an RSS feed, click here to view video}

Worn
:: Tenth Avenue North ::

I’m tired, I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

{chorus}
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

{chorus}

My prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes

{chorus}

Yes, all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though, I’m worn
I’m worn

And so.

Dear Weary Mom,

Won’t you join me in clinging to the God of all hope? The God who restores. The God who refreshes our weary souls and tired momma feet?

Oh how He loves us my weary friend! He hurts when we hurt. He prays for us:

But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. Luke 22:32 {NIV}

He knows we’ll be sifted — He knows when we’re being sifted. And He’s praying for us. That our faith may not fail. That we don’t lose hope.

And catch this, the verse says WHEN you have turned back … It doesn’t say IF you turn back.

In all of our weariness, God has not left us. He’s right beside us, hurting with us. And loving us.

He knows there are times we’ll be weak. And He’s promised to be our strength in those weary times.

One thing I know for sure? God doesn’t break His promises.

So as I tuck my weary bones into bed tonight, I will thank Him once again for getting me through the day. Sometimes, that’s all I can muster, just get through the day. My hope? It lies in His promise that I will rise, I will conquer, and I will turn back to strengthen my weary mommy friends.

From one tired momma to another … but always with hope,

Tracie

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I mentioned yesterday, and I’ll mention again today — Hope for the Weary Mom has a new blog and lots of encouragement, hope, and love in store for you! You’re not alone weary mom. We’re all in this together! Click over and be filled!

Posted in faith, music, parenting, weary mom

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team hope!

When I was asked to join this team of beautiful — and weary — mommas, I had to pray long and hard!

Hope? Always!

Weary? Absolutely!

Mom? For the last 18 years!

But me encourage other mommas through their weary mess when I don’t have a handle on my own?!? Oh Lord, help me!

Given the current state of my bone-wrenching weariness, I most certainly don’t think myself qualified to encourage a momma fly, let alone an actual human with real babies to care for!

But the invitation from Brooke and Stacey clearly stated they wanted mommas who would be:

~ real
~ focused on God’s Word
~ and will encourage other moms

Two out of three isn’t too bad, is it? That whole “encouraging” thing is the one I was hung up on. But as I prayed about it, God encouraged me that if I were transparent in my current state of messiness … I would most certainly encourage other moms who are also in a state of messiness.

And so I humbly replied, “Yes! I would be honored to be a part of Team Hope.”

Friends, this beautiful team of women have a passion for, not only encouraging other moms through the weariness of motherhood — but they’re also passionate about sharing the hope found in trusting God through these weary days, weeks, months, and years.

The new Hope for the Weary Mom blog was born from a passion Brooke and Stacey had as they wrote, Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess. If you’re a momma and you haven’t read their book … you should. Just sayin’.

I’d love if you stopped back tomorrow as I share a letter that goes something like this:

Dear Weary Mom,

I’m tired. I’m worn. My heart is heavy.

#####

I realize it doesn’t sound much like I’m doing that “encouraging thing” — but I promise there’s hope. God always brings hope. I’m not sure of much else these days, but a God of hope? Of that I’m sure!

 

Posted in weary mom

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bundle of the week :: beauty & fashion

This bundle is the perfect way to follow up Mother’s day!

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The Beauty & Fashion bundle is only available through 8am EST on Monday, 5/20. Get yours today:

* affiliate link included

Posted in resources

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but you don’t look sick — the spoon theory

I’m currently sitting in what I lovingly call the “green room.”

In the middle of this way-too-brightly-painted-green room sits two large chairs, a single IV station, and sickness. I can’t help but wonder if the bright green walls are meant to distract from the sickness?

It’s in this green room I receive my monthly Multiple Sclerosis infusion of Tysabri. Typically, someone else sits next to me and receives their infusion as well. But today she missed her appointment.

Last month, I was so eager for my appointment, I showed up 24 hours early!

Given my dependency on this drug, and the fact that after about two weeks, I start counting down the days ’til my next appointment, I can’t fathom missing this treatment!

Anyway.

The reason for my post … not whining or complaining, as that wouldn’t bless anyone. More like I’ve come to realize, when I share about my struggles with MS, I’m raising awareness. And that’s important. Especially with this mysterious and exceptionally crappy disease.

Awareness.

And I’m thankful for others who believe in awareness. Of any kind. Not just MS, cancer, diabetes, or the like.

I’m thankful for people like my friend Fiona, who posted a link to The Spoon Theory on Facebook. The Spoon Theory? It sounded really weird … what in the world?!? … what do spoons and chronic disease have to do with each other? Needless to say, I was more than intrigued.

As I read through the article and began to understand The Spoon Theory, I kinda fell in love with the author of the article {and website ButYouDontLookSick.com}.

Christine Miserandino, the author, suffers from Lupus. But as I read through, I realized her theory — analogy — applies to anyone suffering with chronic disease, even stress, grief, or a difficult life situation.

You see, the day after I read this article I was talking with my friend Terrie about a situation she had recently encountered, and I was able to share how The Spoon Theory applies to her life right now … and maybe always.

Maybe The Spoon Theory is something we could all learn from.

I have this really bad habit of not indulging in self-care. The honest truth is, sometimes I just don’t have the luxury of self-care. Being a single momma to four girls is hard work.

And because — to others and even to myself sometimes — I don’t look sick from the outside, I somehow can’t give myself permission to rest. And honestly … that said, sometimes it’s just plain near impossible to find a minute — or ten — to rest.

You might be wondering how The Spoon Theory plays into all of this? If you didn’t read Christine’s full article, here’s the gist of it:

Christine was out with a friend one day and the friend looked her straight in the eyes and asked what it’s like to live with a chronic disease. Christine was perplexed because the friend had walked this path with her for many years — she’d seen her highs and lows.

But the friend wasn’t satisfied with a “fluff” answer and pushed even harder:

“Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.”

Christine thought long and hard about how she could explain it in just the right way, and here’s what she came up with …

She and her friend happened to be in a diner at the time, so as Christine contemplated her answer and looked around, it came to her. She grabbed every spoon nearby and gave them to her friend.

“I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons.” But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with.”

Christine then asked her friend to talk through what a normal day’s activities looked like. For each “task” a spoon was taken from her friend. As her friend walked through her morning — she hadn’t even gotten to work yet — and already had six spoons taken from her.

By dinner, she had one spoon left and had to decide how best to use it. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have the energy to clean up after.

Reading The Spoon Theory really struck a chord in me. Somehow I feel I need “permission” to slow down, take it easy. Again, I truly don’t always have the luxury of rest, but there are times dishes can wait, and there’s nothing wrong with three nights of pizza. As another side … when one doesn’t look sick, one’s kids don’t realize they’re sick, and therefore continue to be demanding as … well … as kids are known to be.

Anyway.

My health seems to be rapidly deteriorating. My exhaustion level is at an all time high … pure and utter exhaustion. I had a doctor’s appointment the other day — in the middle of doing the “balance test,” she told me to stop so I wouldn’t hurt myself. My legs are continually getting weaker each day and I fear I may need to pull my cane out from hiding. These are just my newest symptoms. I still have the usual suspects {my usual suspects, as MS symptoms vary from person to person} — facial numbness and twitching, stabbing pain in my feet, along with a couple other unflattering issues — those are my most annoying symptoms.

And if you read through the list, none of these symptoms are visible from the outside — which comes back to the title of this post, “But you don’t look sick.”

For people like me, who have a hard time resting for “no good reason,” it’s very hard to give myself permission to rest.

But when I read this article and could visualize the spoons as my energy {and health level}, I felt like, “YES! That’s exactly right! I’m not healthy and I don’t have an endless supply of spoons available.”

Although I’m not as sick as Christine, her thoughts below helped me understand I need to be better — and not feel guilty — about self-care.

“It’s hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count ‘spoons.’”

As I mentioned, I think we could all learn something from The Spoon Theory.

1) not to judge others, as we truly don’t know what they’re going through.
2) we need to take care of ourselves — we should never feel guilty about a little self-care

It’s not easy … but I’m learning. And truly, if I don’t care of myself, who will?

What are your thoughts on self-care?

Posted in multiple sclerosis

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to walk or stay :: book club – week 4

Do you think I’m pretty?

Whoa! This week’s chapter hits deep! I think if we’re honest, most of us would admit we come into marriage with insecurities. And we look to our spouse’s to fill our insecurity need.

We need — want — to be reassured and told we’re pretty, beautiful, special, valued, and there’s no other he could possibly desire.

Sadly, it doesn’t always work that way.

Our husbands don’t — can’t — fill our insecurity need. And sometimes — it hurts to write this — we find out we’re not the only one he desires.

Ahhh … but our Gracious Lord. He’s made it clear to us we shouldn’t be looking to another human to find our worth. Our worth, our identity is in Christ … in Him alone.

In chapter four, Do You Think I’m Pretty?, Lara gently guides us through the truths of God’s Word and His desire for us … “He designed you to reflect Him, to know Him, to be consumed with Him — to glorify Him. And when we do, we are beauty.”

True beauty arises from a quiet spirit that finds rest in the character and promises of God. Page 56

This week Kayse shares her thoughts on this chapter and is hosting the study on her blog. I hope you’ll join in … I have no doubt you’ll be blessed!

And if you haven’t read or purchased To Walk or Stay, you can find it right here. Annndddd … if you have read it, maybe you’ll consider gifting it to a friend?

Weekly discussion hosts!

April 18 – Chapter 1 :: Lara Williams at “To Overflowing”

April 25 – Chapter 2 :: Crystal Stine

May 2 – Chapter 3 :: Katie Orr at “Hello Mornings”

May 9 – Chapter 4 :: Kayse Pratt

May 16 – Chapter 5 :: Michele-Lyn Ault at “A Life Surrendered”

May 23 – Chapter 6 :: Tracie Stier-Johnson

May 30 – Chapter 7 :: Francie Winslow at “Up, In, and Out”

June 6 – Chapter 8 :: Joyce Moy

June 13 – Chapter 9 :: Erika Dawson

June 20 – Chapter 10 :: Stacey Thacker at “29 Lincoln Avenue”

Posted in marriage, resources, series

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