I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying,
I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note—
torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.
~ Henry Ward Beecher
While watching a recent episode of a certain reality show I indulge in, an all-out war was raged between two best friends. Friend #1 made the only choice she thought she had, and it hurt the feelings of friend #2.
Friend #2 could not, and did not, try to understand why friend #1 made the choice she did. Instead she became angry and declared, “She is dead to me!” In another episode friend #2 declared, “I forgive friend #1, but I will NEVER forget what she did.”
And there we have it. Is it really possible to forgive and forget? Are we required to forgive and forget? If we don’t forget, is it really forgiveness? Does God forgive and forget?
Let’s start there. Does God forgive and forget?
The Bible tells us God is omniscient. Which means He is all-knowing. So if He’s all-knowing, that tells us He knows all and remembers all.
What then of this Scripture?
And I will forgive their wickedness,
and I will never again remember their sins.
Hebrews 8:12 {NLT}
Of course He still remembers, He’s omniscient. And of course we still remember, we’re human. But I think it goes back to our heart-motive. And remember, forgiveness comes from love. So to say to someone {in anger}, “I forgive you. But I will never forget what you did,” doesn’t sound too loving . . . or forgiving. And it also sounds like the offense just might be brought up a time or two.
Here’s the thing with God . . . and a lesson that serves us well. God chooses NOT to remember our sins. He chooses NOT to bring them up ever again.
In the verse above, “. . . and I will never again remember their sins,” the word “remember” means this in the original Greek language:
mimnéskó: properly recall, bring to mind, remind oneself actively (purposefully); to remember, have in mind, “be mindful of.”
And the GOD’S WORD translation translates the verse this way:
… because I will forgive their wickedness and
I will no longer hold their sins against them.
Hebrews 8:12 {GW}
This, my friends, is the way we should “forgive and forget.” This is what happens when our forgiveness comes from a place of love. We no longer hold the offense against someone. We don’t actively remind ourselves, recall, or purposefully remember the offense.
And when we’re not actively allowing that offense to come into our minds and hearts, it’s much easier to let go of the hurt, anger, and bitterness. Which then makes it much easier to move on to a place of freedom in our lives.
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yes, the forget part is hard, but the translation of it makes it seem within our reach!
but here is my tough part… i want to forget, but i also want to protect my heart. if i forgive, and then proceed with caution, is that really forgive & forget?
I just love this! How many times do I say I forgive someone but then bring it up at a later time? How many times do I try to sneak it in, just to let the other person know I still remember and that they should still be/act sorry? For me to truly let go – I need to purposefully keep my mind in the right place. Not going over and over the offense in my mind. I need to give the grace and mercy I have received. Great post – it really hit home.
I guess I am having a hard time with the forget part. I have forgiven my former friend for the act of murder, but this is an act the is really hard to forget. I know I will never bring up the act with my former friend after I told him I forgave him, but the forgetting is impossible. She was my best friend and she joined the Lord earlier that she might have. Yes, the Lord called her but it is still hard. I am going to need to pray for direction to be able to forget.
Thank you, my friend! This is just what I needed today:))
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