Dear Lord, please show me everything I need to
understand about forgiveness and surrender.
~ Elizabeth Gilbert
The act of forgiveness doesn’t mean we’re saying, “What you’ve done is okay.”
In fact, what’s been done is most certainly not okay.
But it’s so very, very important to remember, forgiveness is giving ourselves freedom from anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. <– tweet this It’s not about what somebody did to us.
Often times we think if we forgive someone, we’re letting him or her “get away with it.” When we begin to understand that true forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about us and the control we have over our own thoughts, actions, and life’s path, then we begin to understand it’s not about someone getting away with something.
And just because we extend forgiveness to someone, it doesn’t mean we should be a doormat. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
If we’re being hurt over and over, it’s important we guard our own hearts, minds, and lives so we aren’t entering into sin ourselves. Be it with anger, bitterness, resentment, gossip, or unforgiveness. With the right motives—meaning our hearts, motives, and intentions are pure—it’s very important we guard ourselves.
So if, in order to protect our heart, we need to politely decline coffee or lunch, and lessen our interaction with that person, then I think it’s important to do so.
And let’s not forget this era of social media we’re in and how it can bring “ugly” to a whole new level. If it’s out of anger or resentment we’re moving toward removing someone from our lives, then we have the wrong motive. But if we’ve prayerfully checked our motives and know our hearts are pure, then if unfollowing someone on social media is going to guard our hearts and mind, I think it’s okay to do it.
I was in a situation recently that caused me a lot of pain. I didn’t want to unfollow the person causing the hurt—I didn’t want to be *that* person. But every time I saw a post or photo, it would deepen my pain. I prayed about it and sought the advice of a godly woman I trust and she confirmed—if it’s with the right motive and a pure heart, it’s important to protect our own hearts, minds, and lives.
The honest truth is, when I would see something that caused me to feel hurt, it would cause ungodly thoughts and feelings in me. Basically causing me to sin. When that happens, it’s important to remove ourselves from those situations.
Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we let ourselves continue to be hurt. Everyone’s situations are different and it’s up to us to make sure we’re living with godly intent and pure hearts.
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Thank you for ths beautiful reflection! I have so many people I would like to share this with!!!!
Thank you for this … really enjoying this series … sooo hard sometimes when it’s family! I have stopped talking to my sister very much for this reason, which makes me very sad but hopefully it’s only for a season
catching up on your words… and feeling the weight of forgiveness, but also the grace that follows. it is a journey! i do like your way of thinking and weighing the motives before we act… knowing that i am further making things OK with me in the freedom department! as i read each and every entry, my heart leaps to prayer over you… our journey. i hope that through puting down he words that forgiveness was solidified even more in your heart xoxo
and i am starting to feel giddy about next thursday!
This is so present in my life right now. With a (“Christian”) neighbor who spews hate at me each and every opportunity she gets, I battle believing the lie that I’ve done something wrong that needs to be forgiven. I have not. I continue to want our relationship to be some king of normal and continue to be hurt by her. I believe it’s now time and more important for me to guard my heart than to try to make everything okay. Only God can free me from the lies I’m believing. Thanks for touching my heart today.
I am enjoying this series SO much! It is really walking me through a process that is much needed. Thank you so much for this!!
I found this site at the most fortunate of times. I have been doing the 31 Days on my own, started December 1st. Today’s
entry is so timely for me as I recently struggled with unfriendinf a best friend of many years because of the situation that I am
dealing with right now. I have love for this person, but some of the posts and pictures involved someone who is part of the source of my pain and hurt right now. It is hard not to peek back and see what they are up to since my best friend was a part of my life for so long. But, each day, it is easier to not look, because I find myself happier when I know less. Those posts and pictures are painful trigger points and its better for me to avoid them.
I am halfway through the daily exercises. I can honestly say that how I felt two weeks ago is different than now. I haven’t fully forgiven, but I know I am closer now through his Grace. This blog has been a blessing. Thank you.
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