I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.


what is no more

I somehow found my way back to my old blog and got stuck there for a long while. In tears. Remembering what was and is no more.

Memories that literally seem a lifetime ago …

I came across many different posts … happy, sad, stressed, birthing children, raising children, the store, vacations, and friendships.

The friendship ones seem to have gotten the most tears from me. And I’m crying again as I type.

As I was perusing, I came across this video … it reminded me of the “tribe” I had. Friendships I treasured. Friendships I never thought in a million years would go away.

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17

And now they’re friendships that suffer at best. At the time I posted this video, it represented my own “pigeons” … the ladies I would grow old with. We had journeyed breast cancer, parents dying, sickness, children, schools, potty training. I thought I would always be surrounded by these women … limping one minute, being carried the next.

{if you’re reading via subscriber, please click here to view video}

God created us for relationship … “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Genesis 2:18 {NLT}

It’s been a difficult journey for me … finding lasting friendships in a unfamiliar town. And while I continue to pave my way into new relationships … there’s nothing like being surrounded by people who know you inside and out. They know your story and love you anyway.

And yet … with circumstances that were out of my control and not of my doing, circumstances that literally swept the rug out from under me … those circumstances took very special friendships right along with it.

I received this charm bracelet for a milestone birthday a few years back. It’s from my group of “pigeons.” They each picked a charm that represented me in their minds-eye and wrote me a card telling me why.

Even as I looked at each card, and the writing of my name on the envelope, with one look — I knew who each card was from just by the penmanship, or art work gracing the envelope. You know when you know your tribe so intimately, you smile just by seeing their penmanship?

I may’ve sat and cried over these cards, charms, and words yesterday … remembering what was and is no more.

To each and every pigeon who has entered my heart … I love you, I treasure you, and I miss you … desperately.

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Posted in friends, movie

11 Responses to “what is no more”

  1. Susan Lesperance says:

    Dear Tracie, life is always full of change…some for the better–some not so much. We face great joy and devastating challenges along the way. Old friends move on…new one take their place. Distance and time separate another group of friends…but when you connect it is as though you were never apart. Just as some of your “pidgeons” have flown on…you have also moved on–to become more connected with God…and to share your wisdom with us. And…so it begins–a whole new group of friends wanting to be your “pidgeons”. God bless you…and when you are sad, may you remember that you are loved by your family and by a legion of friends–some of whom you have never met in person.

  2. Southern Gal says:

    This post is so full. So full…
    Southern Gal recently posted.."I loved it when…"

  3. Gretchen says:

    Awww Tracie – Events, moments, words said, all change how friendships evolve. What was then is not lost, for it resides in your memories. Moving away tests those friendships and the ones which still remain are the truest of true. I’ve been there from having lived in a place where our children were friends because the moms were friends to moving to a place where I knew no one. Only two of my friends from where I lived previously have stayed in touch with visits and calls even after 15 years. The others…pffftt..I found out, they weren’t who they said they were. I know, for me, I can count on those two friends to be there when I need them the most, even if it’s just a phone call. They dropped everything when my was diagnosed with his MS last August. It’s a sad lesson we have to learn when find out our friends aren’t who they said they were. Thinking of you today along with your kindness and good heart.

  4. Sally Kuhlman says:

    Dear Tracie: Today’s post will touch many individuals. At some point in our lives, we have all been in similar situations. These wonderful pidgeons that walked through part of our journey have made us into what we are today. They do live on in our hearts, because they have made them stronger. God put them into our life to teach us the lesson of love with no boundaries. When one of the pidgeons flies away, there is sadness. Joy, however, remains of times spent together and lessons learned. You are blessed to have found another flock of pidgeons; and they will enlighten and brighten the path you are currently on. Thank you for sharing this story and letting us know we are not alone. You are a strong and couragous woman … you will never fly alone. Always, Sally

  5. Lisa Mahnke says:

    I will always be your pigeon!

  6. Terry says:

    I may not have been able to fly over to visit…but I will…think about you often..and sending you a huge hug!

  7. I lost a significant friendship several years ago…and it still hurts. The Lord has brought other meaningful friendships into my life and the pain lessons all of the time, but still…

  8. Brigitte says:

    Caw-caw, caw caw!!! Oh wait…that’s the sound of a pigeon, that the sound of the bird ride at Six Flags ;-) (will never forget that!! LOL)
    I haven’t found wings to fly to you yet…but I still have my wheels…and I will be making another trip to you very soon :)
    But for now…Love you my sweet friend! Cooooooo xxxx

  9. Brigitte says:

    Caw-caw, caw caw!!! Oh wait…that’s NOT the sound of a pigeon, that’s the sound of the bird ride at Six Flags ;-) (will never forget that!! LOL)
    I haven’t found wings to fly to you yet…but I still have my wheels…and I will be making another trip to you very soon :)
    But for now…Love you my sweet friend! Cooooooo xxxx

  10. terrie says:

    So of course I’m doing all I can to stop to stop the tears from flowing. I’ve finally had a chance to catch up on two months of your blogs. And I’ve wanted to comment on every single one… but this one got to me. I love you tracie. That bears repeating. I love you tracie. I wish I knew why in our deepest sorrow, our personal valleys of death, our most tragic circumstances, that those we love the most in this world truly abandon us. Is it so we don’t rely on others and cling to God? Is it to walk in the same path as Christ? I just don’t think some people can handle our pain. There were only a few that were at the foot of the cross when Jesus died. And yet when he was performing miracles, everyone wanted to touch him. I will always be your pigeon.

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