I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.


“actually … they’re in the sky”

My poor baby!  She’s in serious withdrawal mode.  She’s doing okay … but it’s so sad watching her go to sleep.  She keeps reaching, fitfully all over her crib searching for a nukie.  She doesn’t say so, and isn’t really whining or crying.  She’s just restless, searching, withdrawing …

It kinda makes my heart ache.

I’m not going to give in or anything, and I’m staying strong for her {like we moms have to do} … but man, my insides are aching!

When she asked to get out of her crib last night, “to look for a toy” … and proceeded to lay on the floor and look under her crib … I was seriously torn between wanting her to find one and hoping CJ had done a good job of cleaning house.

She didn’t end up finding anything, but carefully searched her toybox for anything that remotely looked like, or could be used for a nuk.

More on that later … first, here are some photos from the final send-off

Packaging up all her nukies, but we left one out for some final “sucks” before the party … she would often say that … like if we were getting out of the car, the rule was to leave her nukie in the car, but she’d ask for one more suck before we moved along.

nukie party

Princess Nukie-Hound {as dad so affectionately calls called her} … getting her face painted.

nukie party

My girls … hmm … 70’s metal band?

nukie party

Hunter Rose and her namesake granny Rose …

nukie party

And now we’re down to business.  All the nukie’s packaged and ready to go.  We put some money and a note into the bag, asking whoever finds it to return the note to us, telling us where it ended up.  We did the same with the girls 3 years ago, but we’ve never gotten the note back.

Hunter’s also helping daddy get the balloons ready.

nukie party

The time has come.  We all walk ‘the walk’ with her … out to the middle of the yard.

nukie party

We all yell “good-bye nukies” … and without hesitation, she let’s go and off they fly …

nukie party

And she watches them go.  I seriously wonder what’s going through her mind.

nukie party

Not too long to think about it and she runs for her ‘prize.’  We got off easy with a Barbie purse set.  She was asking for it all afternoon!  Couldn’t wait to let her nukies go so she could play with her new toy.

nukie party

And finally … the cake that says it all.

nukie party

So how’s it going, you ask?

The first night {of her party}, I was getting her pull-up on before bed when she started whining for a nukie.  The following convo ensued:

Hunter:  {whine, whine}  “I want my nukies …”

Me:  “Where are your nukies?”

Hunter:  {pointing towards her bedroom}  “They’re in my cri …” {hanging head with adorable pout} “actually, they’re in the sky.”

Me:  {silent, with aching heart, continue to get her pull-up on}

I gave her some benadryl before bed {don’t judge!} and since she didn’t take a nap that day, she was very ready for bedtime.  I don’t normally stay with her ’til she’s sleeping, but that night, I rubbed her back and sang to her as she fitfully, but quickly fell asleep.  She woke around 4, but some music and back rubbing put her right back to sleep.

Then … yesterday morning on the way to church, where she usually gets a nukie in the car … she asked where they were.  Again, I asked her where they were.  She hung her head and said, “in the sky.”

No nap yesterday.  We did try to lay her down.  I did try to sing to her.  She did find one of the girls pedicure sets and tried using the toe separator as a nukie.  She didn’t sleep.

So … back to last night, overall she did okay.  It took her longer than usual to get to sleep.  I didn’t stay with her.  But did watch her sort of flail around searching and craving a nukie.  It seriously reminded me of someone going through a drug-type of withdrawal.  She just didn’t know what to do with herself.

Oh!  And love that CJ picked a great time to be out of town!  In fact, at one point … Hunt was blaming dad for “sending all her nukies into the sky.  Why did he have to do it?”  And the blame continued …

I’m happy to report though, sleep finally gave in.  She woke around midnight, but again fell back to sleep rather quickly.  And this morning she’s sitting here with me boasting that she slept without nukies!

Success?  I’m thinkin’ yeah … and mama isn’t doing too bad either!

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4 Responses to ““actually … they’re in the sky””

  1. Leslie says:

    So proud of you BOTH!!! My heart is kinda achy thinking about the loss, and the anxiety she’s feeling . . . but I truly think she’s going to be fine. Old habits die hard (I think I was about 12 when I finally lost the urge to suck my thumb!!) so the fact that she’s searching for her nukies is more of an involuntary response than an actual need. And it will pass soon. *sigh* Hugs to both of you!!

  2. Sarah says:

    What a good mom you are! I have never heard of this idea, but will definitely keep it in mind for when I have kids!

  3. Kelli says:

    The pic of her looking into the sky is so precious! I remember I had to do the same thing with Sam and it broke my heart! If it makes you feel any better..he recovered very quickly!

  4. Amy says:

    thank you for sharing that with me. I love your photography. I love the idea of sending them up to heaven.

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