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I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.

16 May

dear weary mom

Dear Weary Mom,

I don’t remember exactly how it happened, all I remember is how quickly it happened. That, and the sheer panic, terror, and fear that followed.

SMASH!

I’d slammed on my gas pedal instead of the brake. Right into the back of my daughter’s car.

Shaking, I jumped out of my car and ran over to her. She was sobbing asking why I did it. On the verge of sobs myself, I yelled told her I didn’t do it on purpose!

We pulled over to look at the damage and get a grasp on what just happened. We held each other and cried. She asked why she just couldn’t get a break? I countered with, “Why can’t our family just get a break?” Life seems to be throwing us one train-wreck after another.

Soul-crushing wreck, after soul-crushing wreck.

Can anyone relate? Do any of you wonder when you’ll just catch a break?

I am plumb worn out. Physically. Emotionally. I feel like I’ve had all I can take, and I don’t want anymore.

I’m even walking the dangerous line of thinking, “I deserve to have a break!”

And then guilt sets in.

I should be praying more. I should be better at giving it to God — you know, “Let Go and Let God?”

I know what I should be doing. But it’s the doing that has me stuck.

I love God with all my heart and I know I wouldn’t be standing without Him as my guide and strength. I believe this with every fiber my being. I know God loves me. I know my friends and family love me. My faith is unshakeable. It truly is.

Yet, there are times lately I just can’t seem to get out from underneath the weary and hopeless state I find myself in.

If you’ve ever felt this kind of hopelessness, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I’m tired. I’m worn. My heart is heavy. From the work it takes to keep on breathing. My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. I know I need to lift my eyes up.

But I’m too weak.

And life just won’t let up.”

I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen Tenth Avenue North following me around over the last few months! How then, I wonder, did they write a song just for me … and countless others who are struggling right now?

Friends, on this link, Mike shares some beautiful thoughts. If you have the time to watch, I’d really encourage you to do so.

I absolutely and completely agree with Mike, “it’s rarely the easy and comfortable times that God’s doing something good.

He changes us in the mess of life. “Our God is a God who brings beauty out of pain.”

{if you’re reading from an RSS feed, click here to view video}

Worn
:: Tenth Avenue North ::

I’m tired, I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

{chorus}
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

{chorus}

My prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes

{chorus}

Yes, all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though, I’m worn
I’m worn

And so.

Dear Weary Mom,

Won’t you join me in clinging to the God of all hope? The God who restores. The God who refreshes our weary souls and tired momma feet?

Oh how He loves us my weary friend! He hurts when we hurt. He prays for us:

But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. Luke 22:32 {NIV}

He knows we’ll be sifted — He knows when we’re being sifted. And He’s praying for us. That our faith may not fail. That we don’t lose hope.

And catch this, the verse says WHEN you have turned back … It doesn’t say IF you turn back.

In all of our weariness, God has not left us. He’s right beside us, hurting with us. And loving us.

He knows there are times we’ll be weak. And He’s promised to be our strength in those weary times.

One thing I know for sure? God doesn’t break His promises.

So as I tuck my weary bones into bed tonight, I will thank Him once again for getting me through the day. Sometimes, that’s all I can muster, just get through the day. My hope? It lies in His promise that I will rise, I will conquer, and I will turn back to strengthen my weary mommy friends.

From one tired momma to another … but always with hope,

Tracie

#####

I mentioned yesterday, and I’ll mention again today — Hope for the Weary Mom has a new blog and lots of encouragement, hope, and love in store for you! You’re not alone weary mom. We’re all in this together! Click over and be filled!


Posted in faith, music, parenting, weary mom


21 Apr

nothing is wasted …

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 {NIV}

My firstborn turns 18 years old today. I know it’d be very cliche to ask where the time went … yet, as I look at this photo and reflect over the years we traveled together, I can’t help but think … where did the time go?!

The other day, Taylor was riding a different horse at the barn — for reasons I won’t go into as it’d be a whole different post — but right now she’s riding a couple different lesson horses to just have some fun and get her own riding back on track.

As she poked around the arena on a verrryyyy slowwww guy, her mood was light, she had a smile on her face {few and far between these days}, and commented, “He feels just like Clover.”

I was immediately struck by the thought, “Sometimes to start fresh, you have to start at the beginning.”

You see, Taylor basically found her riding passion on that trusty ol’ mount. Even today, Clover holds a irreplaceable and special place in our hearts.

Clover was Taylor’s beginning.

Lately, she’s had some crazy trouble with her horse and needs a fresh start in riding. She needs to have fun again.

Taylor’s been struggling … with a whole lotta stuff going on in her life, she’s been struggling. And right now, as she’s turning eighteen, she feels like she needs a fresh start.

Hold on … I’m not planning on going into a “whoa-is-Taylor-she’s-had-it-so-rough” thing. Truth is, I’ve been chastised for not “letting her get over it.” Along that line and as a side note, I would like to share something about my parenting …

When my children are walking through a valley in life, I don’t stand outside of that valley and shout down to them, “Put your big girl panties on and get over it already!”

No. That wouldn’t do us any good.

Instead, I walk down into that valley with them. I take them, I guide them, I encourage them, and we put their big girl panties on together.

Meaning … I don’t sit in their valley with them. I don’t allow them to sit in their own valleys. But in order to get them out of the valley, I need to meet them where they’re at, take them by the heart, and walk them through it.

How can a child — or anyone for that matter — “get over something” when they don’t have a guide out?

Anyway.

That said, I’ve been walking Taylor through quite a few valley’s as of late and she’s desperately searching for a fresh start in her life.

Eighteen years old. A milestone birthday. Adulthood? Gaaaa … this momma isn’t too sure about that one! Talking with a friend the other day, we agreed adulthood should be changed to twenty-one or thirty-five!

Tay … my sweet Tay … I want you to know I hear you. I see you. I feel you. I pray for you. And as much as this mommy loves you with all of her heart … your Father in heaven loves you THAT much more. I can only imagine how proud He must be of you Taylor.

He’s allowed almost every trial imaginable. And you’ve persevered. Yes, it’s been through tears and anguish you’ve persevered, but you’ve also done it with unimaginable grace.

Baby, I heard this song the other day and you immediately came to mind. Sweet girl, please let your heart be wide open as you listen to each word and let God speak into your life. Listen to His promises for you …

What if every tear you cry, seeds the ground where joy will grow? Fields … acres and acres of fields of joy are what He has in store for you. I believe it Taylor.

You can lean on me and I’ll believe for you … and in time you will believe it too.

Happy birthday love. There’s no way I could be more proud of you …


Nothing Is Wasted
:: Jason Gray ::

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

{chorus}
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

{chorus}

When hope is more than you can bear
And it’s too hard to believe it could be true
And your strength fails you half way there
You can lean on me & I’ll believe for you
And in time you will believe it too

Sometimes we are waiting
In the sorrow we have tasted
But joy will replace it
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our redeemer
Nothing is wasted


Posted in birthday, family thoughts, music, parenting, taylor


12 Dec

o come, emmanuel

Oh my glory be!! This is video might be the best five minutes you spend this Christmas season!

Emmanuel means God with us, which is just one of Jesus’ many names. Thinking about it humbles me to my core. God, who created the universe choose to come to earth as a child and sacrifice Himself for my sins. I will never, ever deserve it and yet He, who could have come as a conquering King choose to come humbly and do the one thing I could never, ever do. What amazing grace, and incredible love!

I dare you not to cry …


Posted in christmas, movie, music


15 Nov

god’s beautiful thing …

No one else will ever know the depth of my LOVE for you.
After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
{quote source}

This girl amazes and surprises me almost everyday. Honestly, she always has.

Some of you may know I’d been homeschooling Taylor the last 2 years. She’s had some issues with learning in the past, so last summer I decided to have her academically tested. The results weren’t too far off base from what I’d already observed, but one finding had us quite shocked.

It’d been recommended Taylor not go to a four year college. Given the results of her testing and the fact that she’d missed key educational facts throughout her schooling years, there didn’t look to be anyway she’d thrive, let alone succeed, at a four year school.

Needless to say, we felt deflated and started thinking about other options.

After a school year of falling very far behind, much to my surprise, this past summer Taylor started talking about going back to “real school.” Given that she was very behind in her schoolwork {like still doing 10th grade work at the end of her 11th grade year}, I wasn’t too sure how realistic her request was. I told her if she buckled down {what a mom thing to say!} and got all her schoolwork done, that I’d look into it.

Wouldn’t you know? A few weeks later, she came down with stacks of books and schoolwork, she’d had it almost all completed! If you had any idea how much work I’m talking about, you’d think she’d hired someone to finish her work for her! With just a few other things to complete, I started calling the local high school to find out what we’d need to do to get her registered.

No easy feat.

But we did it.

Taylor started high school this past September and she is full-on loving it! Like loving. Like she’s a self-proclaimed nerd and loving it!

She works with a tutor four days a week, she’s working part-time at Justice, and she continues to ride her best-buddy Cozmo.

Taylor started the year as a junior {instead of a senior}, and will graduate a year behind “schedule.” But she’s completely focused and determined to get herself into a four year college of her choosing!

Although this kid continues to be stuck in the middle of adversity and stress, she takes it in stride … offers grace and forgiveness.

I continue to learn oodles from this love of mine. Namely, perseverance.

Not sure why, but a scene from Dirty Dancing comes to mind … it’s the final show, Baby’s stuck sitting with her parents, and in walks Johnny with his now famous line, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

Others have wanted to put my baby in a corner … with labels, with lies, with negativity. But my baby in all her amazeball-ways consistently declares to herself, “Nobody will put me in a corner!”

I love, love, love the song, Beautiful Things by Gungor. It reminds me of my sweet babygirl every time I hear it.

Taylor … my sweet babygirl … you truly are God’s beautiful thing. I wub you with all my heart and soul.

 


Posted in family photos, movie, music, parenting, taylor


2 Feb

for my tay …

Sweet child of mine …

You are walking a long and hurtful path. You know loss. You know grief. You know loneliness.

Your courage and heart continue to amaze me. I stand in awe of you … at times taking for granted the darkness you have seen … but so in awe of the Light you are shining into those dark places {read John 1:1-9 … go ahead, read it!}.

Tay … precious Tay … you. are. beautiful.

You were made for so much more than this.  You are. so much more than this.

If all else in this world fades and let’s you down … always remember … you are treasured … you are sacred … because you are His.

You are beautiful.

And I love you … always and forever … no. matter. what!


Beautiful
:: MercyMe ::

The days will come when you don’t have the strength
When all you hear is you’re not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much

:: chorus ::
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You’re beautiful

I’m praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you’ve held inside so long
They are nothing in the shadow of the cross

:: chorus ::

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You’re the one He madly loves
Enough to die

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
In His eyes

:: chorus ::

You’re beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His …


Posted in family thoughts, music, taylor