love is not a fight :: marriage

I posted a couple weeks back about the Love Dare book and how it’s been an incredible source of martial strength for me.

I’ve gotten some comments and emails about others who have the book, but it’s collecting dust.  For about a year, mine did too.  But when I picked it up again and decided I was determined to do it, be open to the words, be open to looking within, and most importantly … let the Lord convict me … my marriage has been blessed beyond measure!

I’d like to dive in a little deeper and share some of the things I’ve learned … so grab some coffee! ;)

Most important … this book has taught me about unconditional love.  Unconditional.  No conditions.  No matter what … you love.

The first “dare” is about patience.  “When you choose to be patient,
you respond in a positive way to a negative situation.”

The second, kindness.  “If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative
circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.
Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing.”
“Love makes you kind.  And kindness makes you likable.”

Third, unselfishness.  “If there were ever a word that basically means the
opposite of love, it is selfishness.”  “The bottom line is that you either
make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.”

And so it goes …

You know the statement, “be the change you want to see” ? … never more true than in a marriage.

CJ and I have been through stuff.  Icky stuff.  Hard stuff.  Challenging stuff.  And I’m not talking about him throwing a wet towel on the outfit I’ve just picked out to wear for the day {oh yes he does!}, nor am I talking about leaving a fresh box of cereal out on the counter wide open and left to get stale {oh yes I do!}.  I’m talking about stuff that divorces are made of.  Deal-breakers if you will.

Only thing?  I’ve learned there are no deal-breakers in a godly marriage.

Various times in our marriage … almost from the beginning, we had some deal-breaker things to work through.  But it was maybe 3 years ago … something happened to rock my world {in a bad way}.  I questioned, “How much is too much?”  “When is it okay to say I’d had enough?”  “How much more am I supposed to forgive and endure?”

My dear friend Lori, in all her wisdom, told me God wanted me in it for the long haul.  It boils down to forgiveness, or love if you will … and you can read Matthew 18:21-22 for that.  Basically for as long as it takes or how ever many times it takes.

After that conversation, I’d realized I had my “hand on the doorknob” so to speak.  And as much as we can all deny that.  I think in today’s culture, it’s the norm.  “I’m not happy, so I’m leaving … I’m moving on … I deserve happiness.”  I’m the first to admit that was my mindset in my first marriage.

But once I took my hand off that doorknob and realized that I am 100% committed … I fought.  And I’m still fighting.  And it’s not easy.  But I’m committed.  I’m not leaving.  The song I’ve posted below speaks to this …

And because of this book {and God’s blessings!}, I can honestly say {at this moment-in-time}, my marriage has never been stronger than it has the last few weeks.  And believe me! if you knew {and I’ll tell all one day} what we’ve endured, you’d be shaking your head in disbelief right now.

CJ’s noticed a change in me.  In fact, he recently told our counselor that he’s feeling guilty because he feels he’s being left behind in the “happiness” category and is trying to catch up.

Little sidebar: when we met, I was “happy Tracie” … but happy Tracie has fallen apart of the years and it’s been a complaint of his for a long time now.  He wants “happy Tracie” back.  Crazy!  But it’s his wish.  Anyway … she’s back!!  At this moment-in-time … she’s honestly, truly, and purely back.

Okay … so here are some things that I’ve learned in reading this book:

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is not selfish
Love is thoughtful
Love is not rude
Love is not irritable {can I get an amen!?}
Love believes the best
Love is not jealous
Love makes good impressions
Love is unconditional
Love cherishes
Love lets the other win
Love fights fair
Love takes delight
Love is honorable
Love intercedes
Love promotes intimacy
Love seeks to understand
Love is impossible {without God}
Love is Jesus Christ
Love is satisfied in God
Love is faithful
Love always protects
Love vs. lust
Love forgives
Love is responsible
Love encourages
Love makes sacrifices
Love’s motivation
Love brings unity
Love meets sexual needs
Love completes each other
Love celebrates godliness
Love is accountable
Love is God’s Word
Love agrees in prayer
Love fulfills dreams
Love endures
Love is a covenant

I came across this song recently and found it so encouraging!  So true!  So in line with what I’m learning and living!  I pray you’ll take the time to listen, to read the lyrics, and let the Lord speak to you and your marriage through it.

For those of you that have the book … blow off the dust and open it up.  For those of you that are curious … head over to amazon and pick it up!  Come on … I dare you! ;)

One last thought from the book, “Learning to truly love is one of the most important things you will ever do.”

Love Is Not A Fight {Warren Barfield}
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It’s a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We’ll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

{Chorus}
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it’s something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they’re falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

{Chorus}

Love will come to save us
If we’ll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

{Chorus}

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It’s worth fighting for

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