in tears …

And want to share.

I tweeted this past week about Wynter’s beloved Dumbo {hamster-escape-artist-extraordinaire} entering the pearly gates of hamster Heaven.  Our house sitter found him dead in his cage.  She offered to “bag him up” and put him in the freezer for us so we could give him a proper burial.

Big sigh.

My heart sunk.  Wynter will be absolutely, without a doubt, devastated when she finds out.

The mother bear protection side of me instantly wanted to have it secretly replaced with a new one and have her never know the truth.

Of course, I know that’s not the right answer.  But of course, I want to shield her from any potential pain.  You’d want to do the same.  And again, I know that’s not the right answer … but still!

And can I just explain?  This isn’t just any ol’ hamster.  This was one very special friend to her.  And Dumbo wasn’t one of those hamsters left in his cage to just run the hamster wheel of life.  Wynter had him with her at almost every waking moment.  Which is also the reason he’s escaped numerous times.

But he’d always return … the prodigal hamster I called him.  We’d set out a trap and line it with peanut butter.  We’d inevitably find him in there over the next day or so … one furry ball of peanut butter.

This may be too much information to share, and may sound a bit freaky … but if you know my Wynter, you’ll understand.  Wynter’s admitted to having her mouth water when she kisses the little fellow.

Now that’s love right there my friends!  This was a dear, dear friend to my Wyntie J.

I found a little stuffed hamster somewhere and that little guy has been gold to her during this trip.

Anyway.  So back to his passing and my dilemma.  So I know I gotta tell her the truth.

She’s been crying and moping quite a bit over the last few days, missing Dumbo.  I told CJ we should tell her right away.  It feel deceitful to wait.  He wants to wait.  I’m trying to honor that.

But can I share my argument with you?  If she’s moping and crying anyway … why not just tell her the truth?

But here’s the thing … she’s been saying she thinks he’s dead.  And the reason I’m in tears is … tonight during our prayers, she asked me to pray that he’s not dead.

I pulled CJ aside and told him and that we need to tell her the truth.  And that I don’t want her to think God doesn’t answer prayer.  I mean … I know he doesn’t always answer the way we want our prayers to be answered and all that {that’s too deep to go into this-already-longer-than-I-wanted-post}.  But she doesn’t need to learn those super deep lessons right now.  And come on … I’m really going to pray a prayer that I know isn’t going to be answered?

CJ said no.  Not the time to tell her.  To just skip over it in my prayer.  And I did, and she was too tired to notice.

Wynter is the deepest of my girls.  She feels deep and she feels strong.  I’ve told others, she has the “darkest” personality of all my girls.  She’s mystified by death … by dark things.  She’s just deep.  Plain and simple.

And honestly … we have been so careful not to say anything in front of her … nothing remotely related to Dumbo’s passing.

I believe that she does have a strong sense that Dumbo has died.

We’ll tell her before we get home.  But probably not much before our actual arrival.  I know it may seem a silly thing to pray for … but if you’re still reading along, could you send a few prayers for peace and strength for my little Wynt?

My heart is breaking for her …

20 Comments

  1. Amy T January 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Awww, poor little Wynter… my heart is breaking for her as I write this. The one thing we as mothers have to remember (as hard as it is…) is that things like this help to teach our kids about life lessons, as tough as they may be. I’m actually taking a class right now called, “Issues in Living and Dying”, as a religion requirement at Carthage. The other night in class we discussed how death in our culture is so “taboo”. I’m starting to realize that the more we prepare our kids to deal with death, the better we can feel as parents in knowing that our kids are becoming stronger as individuals. Hopefully we’re preparing them the best we can to deal with the inevitable. My prayers are with little Wynter! (…and can I say that I got shivers when you said she has a feeling that he’s dead… WOW… how intuitive is THAT??)

    Reply
  2. Leslie January 24, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Oh, Tracie . . . my heart is breaking for her, too. The fact that she has a sense that something has happened to him is almost too much to bear. Poor sweet Wynter. As a momma, this is the sort of thing we wish we could absorb and protect our babies from. :-( I pray that her hurt is small. Hugs to you both.

    Reply
  3. Leslie January 24, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Oh, Tracie . . . my heart is breaking for you both!! The fact that she senses that something has happened to him is almost too much to bear. Poor sweet Wynter. As a momma, this is the sort of hurt we wish we could absorb and protect our babies from. :-( I pray that her sadness will be small and brief. Hugs to you both.

    Reply
  4. Heather January 25, 2010 at 8:27 am

    sadly i’m so much of a wimp about this kind of stuff that it is one of the reasons we don’t have pets! the tears in jack’s eyes when his tadpoles died was enough for me! praying for both of you…

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