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I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.

12
May

no matter what …

Hunter had surgery last week. She needed her adenoids and tonsils removed, and had her third set of ear tubes inserted. This was the fourth surgery this kid has undergone in her little six years of life. Anyway.

My girl was so brave. I don’t think she had any idea what was about to hit her. But more of that goodness in a bit …

The primary focus of this writing is … motherhood. In light of my recent post on “quitting” … an experience I had in the hospital with Hunter kinda struck me to the core.

After surgery, I was brought into the recovery room where she was still completely out of it. An oxygen mask on her face, hooked up to monitors, an IV … the works. I stood next to her holding her limp and fragile hand. She would mumble in and out of her “anesthesia coma” and each time the nurse would assure her, “Your mommy’s right here. She’s right here.” And on cue, I’d get my face real close to hers, whisper her name and tell her mommy loves her.

Think about these words … “mommy’s right here.”

The world is as it should be because mommy is right here.

I haven’t hidden the fact that I’ve been struggling a bit. In life and in my parenting. My patience is at an all time low. And that’s putting it mildly. It seems every little thing sets me off. I’m at my limit and being tested constantly. I blow up. And immediately regret it. Welcome to parenting, huh? :)

But no matter how difficult I’ve been with these girls … and I’m the first to admit, I. have. been. difficult. They still love me. Unconditionally.

Sometimes I’m so worried I’m going to screw these kids up. I’m not spending enough time with them. I’m not loving enough. Caring enough. I don’t listen enough. I don’t put my phone down when I should {and pay attention to them}. I’m not disciplining correctly … or enough. I’m yelling too much. I’m impatient. All these things and self-doubt has really crept up on me lately.

But right there, in the hospital, it struck me … all they really want to know, now and forever, is that “mommy is right here.”

And girls … I promise you I am. I promise you I will be “right here” for you as long as I have breath. Thank you for your grace and thank you for loving me unconditionally … no matter what.

Whew. Okay! Anyone ready for some Huntie goodness?

Oh wait! First … do you Instagram? It’s kinda my new obsession. If you’d like to follow me, I’m tmstier. I also found this site … haven’t really played with it yet, but you can find me there! :)

So … sorry ’bout the photo dump here … but like I said, I’m a little obsessed with Instagram and I happen to be a little obsessed with my babygirl too!

So this is Hunter in the waiting room {at 6:00 am} before surgery.

She’s been admitted and given her “happy juice.”

The nurses brought her to a closet full of lovies … she picked a hedgehog.

Babygirl after surgery, trying to wake up.

Woken, and brought into her own room.

Green popsicle. “nuff said.

A setback. She wasn’t getting enough fluids and got
nauseous when they sat her up. They decided to keep
her a couple extra hours and pump a bag of fluids
into her.

Within an hour she was better and we made our way home.
After sleeping/resting/whining in my bed for a while,
we decided to get some fresh air with a walk.
Babygirl loves an opportunity to hop in the stroller.

After our walk, I got caught up in looking through the mail
while Hunter went outside. This is where I found her.
On the back patio …

Watching her sisters swim. Yeah, it kinda broke my heart too.

I was told her recovery would take a week. A week off of school.
She may not want to eat for a few days. She may be in pain.

When we got home from the hospital, this girl was ravenous
and craving goldfish and pretzels like a madwoman!

The morning after, she woke up raring to go! I seriously
contemplated sending her back to school in a few days.

And then …

My precious princess was secretly replaced with
Princess Cranky-Pants.

And it was not fun. At all.

We saw a ray of sunshine when she got some
notes from her friends at school!

This one might be a little naughty of me … but I couldn’t help it!
She would. not. give in to sleep! She was crankier than
crank and wouldn’t lay down. I got into bed and she
came and laid with me, but rolling around and ’round.
She climbed on top of me and fell asleep and
this is what I’ve been listening to for the last week …

When I was sure she was sleeping good, I rolled
her off me and let her snooze!

Finally yesterday afternoon she was feeling “a little good”
{her reply when you ask her how she’s feeling}
and so I took her into school for a half-day.
She was a bit wiped when she got home, but
I think it was good to get her back into
her routine a bit. We’ll see what today brings!

I love this little monkey! She’s tested me this past week … oh
how she’s tested me! But we also had quite a bit of fun
together … I love my babygirl and can’t wait for a
strep-free, ear infection-free summer! Woot!

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Posted in family thoughts, hunter, parenting

 

10 Responses to “no matter what …”

  1. Southern Gal says:

    Such a traumatic event to go through. You’re a good mama. Did you video her breathing before surgery? I have a clip of Ethan who was struggling for every breath while he slept. It’s remarkable what that surgery did for him.
    Southern Gal recently posted..The Longing Revisited

  2. Brigitte Short says:

    Amen my friend! AMEN! Glad to hear she is on the up’n up…so mommy can focus on herself…a bit ;-) love you xoxo

  3. Great post. I am with you in that our children need to know we are near. That we are here for them now and always. And they need to see our human side too. Mommy’s mess up just like everyone else and gods grace is sufficient for us as much as it is for them.

    Glad your little peanut is doing well!
    Melissa @ the pleated polka dot recently posted..::thoughts on boys and raising them::

  4. Trish says:

    Precious!

  5. Melanie says:

    So glad your “little monkey” is doing better! Keep smiling and keep whispering sweet words.

  6. I had my tonsils removed in 4th grade … on Valentines Day. And my best friend gave me a bag of BBQ chips as a “get well” present and I cried because I couldn’t eat them and it hurt my feelings she’d given me something I couldn’t eat ;)
    Jessica Lynette recently posted..Chapter Books for Boys

  7. Todd Stolpa says:

    Your posts always bring me joy….I often wonder if our children realize how much they support us and not always the other way around. Parenting is tiring work..there are no vacations, there are no bathroom breaks, we are parents when we’re mad, sad and tired…I often feel like I am going down the wrong path..but then I’ll get an “I love you, daddy.” softly said to me when I don’t feel I have earned it and the love I have received drowns out the rest…Thank you for reminding me again..

  8. heather says:

    Poor Hunter! Recovery is hard!! Glad she is back at school a bit and feeling better too!
    heather recently posted..Work-in-Progress Wednesday 27

  9. Jeri Taira says:

    Tracie, I so appreciate that you shared this. Even more, the link to “quitting”. I was a single Mom too. I don’t know why that touched my heart so much. But, you sharing that part of your life tugs at mine then. You’re a wonder, a love, a beauty. How wonderful to be God connected and encourage one another in life-words.
    Jeri Taira recently posted..For the Weekend ~ Guest Post by David

  10. km says:

    I love with jeri said above… you are a wonder, a love, a beauty. YOUR beautiful girls see that… they live THAT!!! I wish you a beautiful mother’s day! SO thrilled that your sweetie is healing and healthy…

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