I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.


rules without relationship = rebellion

I heard something recently that’s resonated so strongly with me, I can’t seem to forget it.

rules without relationship = rebellion

I encourage you to join me over the next 3 days as I share my thoughts on these four simple words. Both as they relate to parenting, and religion. And on the third day, Friday, I’ll be finishing up on the ModSquad blog with a resource & giveaway!

I almost feel like this post needs no explanation … the title is thought provoking enough, right? Even still … I do have some thoughts and I pray they encourage you.

Someone once shared the following with me … if a relationship is made up of a foundation resembling swiss cheese, there are too many holes and relational qualities won’t stick. Respect, love, trust … some of the most important qualities in a relationship are likely to fall through the “swiss cheese holes” in that relational foundation.

Would the footings of a home stand firm if the foundation has holes in it?

How can we build a solid foundation? When my girls were younger, a wise friend talked about depositing into our children’s relational bank accounts. What does this look like and why? I believe there are two simple reasons. First, there are many, many times in our children’s lives we’re going to have to say no. Second, there are many, many times in their lives, others will poke all kinds of holes in their self-esteem “banks.”

But. If we’re depositing into their relational/emotional/self-esteem bank accounts on a daily basis {with words of blessing, love, and encouragement … more about that on Friday!}, when we need to give them that dreaded “no,” they know it’s coming from a place of love. Sure, there’s disappointment and they may even argue debate for a different answer {have you been in my house!?}, but ultimately they know we love them and a rebellious nature isn’t likely to come just because we say no.

The second piece to the purpose of relational depositing speaks to the photo above. The world is all about poking holes in our spirits and self-esteem. We face it everywhere and our children do too. But if we’ve been depositing words of blessing, love, and encouragement into their sponge-like bank accounts, when the course of life tips their balance sheet the other way … their self-esteem banks will remain well above positive.

Parents, we need to be careful with the words we speak to our children. We can’t casually call them idiots, or stupid, or lazy and have them think we don’t really mean it. We all … children especially … need words of affirmation and encouragement.

Friends, there are children all over the world who are hurting, who have no one depositing anything into their banks. In fact, the only deposits they may be getting aren’t blessings, but rather curses. Might I encourage you … challenge you even … if you know a child who needs words of blessing in their lives, might you take them under your wing? Might you breathe hope, encouragement, blessing … Jesus … into their lives today?

I hope you’ll join me tomorrow as I share my thoughts on how these four words, “rules without relationship = rebellion” pertain to religion.

rules without relationship = rebellion {post 2}

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Posted in encouragement, parenting, series

5 Responses to “rules without relationship = rebellion”

  1. Mary says:

    Thank you for the encouragement. Your words are a blessing.

  2. km says:

    wonderful reflections!!! I love your challenge to find kids who don’t regularly get their ‘buckets filled’!! Do you have a copy of the kiddo book ‘Fill a Bucket?” Our preschool uses it and my kids adore the “fill a bucket” song. Also— I remember reading a long time ago about the 3 to 1 ratio — three positive things to every constructive criticism. Thanks for this uplifting post!!! :):)

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  4. cyndi says:

    Such wonderful words (ones that I really needed to hear today). Reading this I can hear you talking to the girls and seeing the look of trust & admiration on their faces. You may be telling them “no” to that one specific thing but mostly you’re filling them with love, knowledge, and God’s word. Oh how we could all take a lesson from that!
    cyndi recently posted..giveaway time!

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