I'm a redeemed child of God and the momma to four vivacious daughters. I'm passionate about finding hidden blessings in the trials of life, living it out in an honest and open way, while encouraging those around me to believe in better.

11 Jan

i changed my mind

I’m no longer praying for CJ’s salvation …

I’m praying for his radical salvation!

I want a husband who is on fire for God.  Who is hungry for God and His Word.  Who desires a deep, committed relationship with God.  I want a husband, and father of my girls to lead us …

How ’bout you?  Are there friends … family you’ve been praying for?  I’m urging you today … don’t just pray for their salvation … let’s start praying for people to not only be saved, but to be … on fire! hungry! desiring a deep and committed relationship … we need Christians who can lead Christians.  Join me in this prayer today!

This is personal, but if you have someone you’re praying salvation over … would you let me know so I can pray for them as well?  If you don’t want to leave a comment, please send me an email with their names.  I want to lay them at the foot of the cross with you and believe God has wonderful things in store!

Lead Me
:: Sanctus Real ::

I look around
And see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smilin’
But on the inside…
I can hear her sayin’…

:: chorus ::
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love chasin’ dreams
What about us?
Show me you’re willin’ to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone.

I see their faces
Look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m workin’ hard
I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re independent
But on the inside…
I can hear them sayin’…

:: chorus ::

So Father give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh Father show me the way
To lead them
Won’t you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t leave them hungry for love
Chasin’ things that I could give up
I’ll show them I’m willin’ to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone.

Father lead me ’cause I can’t do this alone …

Posted in curt, inspiration, music

18 Oct

monday randomness

So many good things I’m not sure where to start!  I’m also hoping I don’t miss anything!

Right This Moment
I’m on my way to Israel!  I’ll be gone for 9 days and I can’t wait to feel the presence of the Lord!  My church takes this trip every couple of years … my mom and dad had taken the trip last time and loved it!  So when I saw it announced in the bulletin this year, I really wanted to go.  But I also wanted to go with my mom and Taylor.  Only glitch … when I’m gone, or CJ’s gone … my mom’s the one that helps with the kids.  If my mom and I both went, that would leave CJ alone to “babysit” the kids.  Yeah.  He’s the dad that thinks he’s babysitting his own children.

So I finally got my nerve up to ask him if I could go.  With my mom.  The deadline was just a few days away, so I pretty much needed an answer asap.  I mentioned it to him before we went to bed one night and he wasn’t too hip on the idea.  I went to bed praying about it, but figuring I would just drop it.  A couple of days came and went, when out of the blue CJ asked if I still wanted to go.  “Yes.  Yes I do!”  He said he’d ask his two older children to come into town to help with the girls and that I should go.  Holy hallelujah and praise the Lord!  Don’t know about you, but I consider this a small miracle!

Power Of A Praying Parent
I told the kids about a week ago that I’d be leaving for “eight sleeps” and Wynter freaked.  She’s my deep feeler and thinker.  It broke my heart and I immediately started toying with the idea of bringing her with.  Of course, that didn’t pan out … so I did what I should’ve done in the first place … I started praying for her.  I prayed with her.  And I prayed for her.  I brought my prayer request {for her} to my mom group at church … and then I told her so.

She looked up at me with such awe.  “Your friends are praying for me?” she asked.  Yes baby girl, they are.

She’s still having a hard time … but her reaction and emotion to it is considerably less since I’ve told her she’s being covered in prayer.  Friends, there is nothing. more important in this world, than the power of a praying parent.

Other Small Miracles
I’ve been noticing small, encouraging things in CJ.  Telling the girls, “that was nice” after a prayer they’ve said.  Or in a recent conversation they were talking about something {I absolutely can’t remember what} that had to do with knowing everything.  God isn’t what he was referring to, but one of the girls said, “God.”  CJ said, well yes … Him too … but … and went on to fill in the blanks about what he was talking about.

Now, that may not seem like much to a casual reader here.  But if you knew/know my guy … you’d know that’s huge!  CJ was pretty much agnostic to an atheist when I met him.  And now he’s admitting that God knows everything!?

Our Weekend
We had a relaxing weekend at the lake this weekend!  Beautiful weather, picnic at the caboose … and a whole lotta catch up work for me!

Update On Book Writing
I haven’t done actual writing.  Well … I take that back.  I have a title, a dedication page, and two sentences in Chapter One.  Right now though, I feel God’s writing this book in my heart.  I’m in no hurry.  It’ll happen when, how and if it’s supposed to.

But … I have to share this!  A couple of weeks ago, Taylor was volunteering with a “bullying seminar” {I hope to post on this in the next few weeks}, when she texts me and says she needs to talk to me.  I asked if she needed to call.  She said no, it could wait til she got home, but to keep an open mind about it.  Interesting.

So she gets home and I’m all over her asking what she needs to talk about.  “I think you should write a book,” she says.  Say what daughter o’ mine?!?  See … I’ve never breathed a word to her about my desire to write a book.  I asked what brought this on … she said she was talking to someone at the luncheon and she thinks I should write a book.  I explained to Taylor that I am, in fact, working on writing a book.  “About what?” she asks.  “About my life … the things I’ve gone through,” I answer.  She went on to say that I should write about her … :)  But still.  God talking?  I think so.

Next up … we recently finished a bible study at my church about hearing God’s whisper.  The pastor encouraged us to send him our whisper stories, and when I finally did {which actually were explained in a series of posts that I sent him}, he wrote back and said, “When I started reading, I thought “she should write a book …”

God Is Good
All the time!

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Posted in curt, faith, family, family photos, vacation, writing

24 Aug

miracles {tuesdays unwrapped}

My word will not return to me until it accomplishes what I intended.
Isaiah 55:11

Some people were hoping my teaser last week meant that CJ has been saved … I’m sorry to report that’s not the case … yet!  I still believe that he will be … unfortunately, I have to be patient and wait for God’s timing on that one.

But … I am happy to report that CJ has agreed to letting me homeschool Taylor.  I even think he’s a little excited about it!  If you know CJ, and the relationship he has with Taylor … you know this is a miracle!

We had an appointment with Taylor’s counselor to talk about homeschooling her.  CJ was.not on board.  I won’t bore you with all the ugly details, but one quote from him was, “let’s understand here that Taylor isn’t a girl with special needs.”  To which the counselor replied, “no, but she is a special girl with needs.”  {loved that!}.

Again … I won’t go into all the ugly details, but to nutshell it … CJ thinks Taylor gets whatever Taylor wants, that she’s manipulative, spoiled, coddled, and the list goes on.  So he fights tooth & nail {where did that saying ever come from!?} to go the opposite direction to make sure she doesn’t get what she wants.

CJ and I see a counselor ourselves, so we called an emergency meeting with her.  I listed all my reasons for wanting to homeschool Taylor.  He gave all his reasons why we shouldn’t.  The counselor, of course, stated we both had valid reasons and that one of us would have to give.  Her exact words were, “one of you is going to have to love the other enough to sacrifice your wishes.”  I spoke up and said that I absolutely love CJ enough that I would forgo homeschooling her.  But what hurts most is knowing my husband doesn’t feel the same way.  He said nothing.  And that was the end of our session.

And it was date night.  Never schedule a counselor appointment on date night.

We spent the first half of dinner not speaking.

Then we talked.  CJ agreed that I know Taylor best and he would do his best to “accept” homeschooling.  I told him I need more than that because {based on our history}, I didn’t want him to end up resenting me or Taylor.  We talked and talked.  He asked if there was something he could do to show me he would really try.  I asked him to read two books.  The first, “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.”  He read it in 4 days.  As he was reading, I was praying that God would open his heart.  He did.

CJ even bought a book on his own, “Homeschoolers’ College Admissions Handbook.”  Again, if you knew us, our family dynamics and our history … you’d understand how huge that is!

{CJ & Taylor :: 2001}

I think this might be the last photo of them I have together like this.  It breaks my heart to know that Taylor has experienced this loss {their relationship} as well.  But … I suppose that’s another post.

Anyway.  I wanted to share that my goal for Taylor this year go beyond her academics.  My goal is to educate her heart.  And I truly believe CJ is beginning to understand how important this is and how it just may be a new beginning for Taylor … for all of us really.

CJ works mostly from home and cherishes the time he and I have together.  He’s made many mentions of us “starting a new life once Taylor leaves for school {college}.”  And yeah … that’s another whole post.  But I wanted to share that, to show how having her home for homeschooling is sacrificing on so many levels of our family life.


I would like to share some changes in CJ since we’ve met.  When we met, he was pretty much agnostic … almost to the point of being an atheist.  Granted … I wasn’t anywhere near in my faith as I am today.  That said, I’d like to list out where he’s at today:

  • He talks about sin, and what’s right or wrong … almost quoting the bible and having a higher standard for Christians.  He’s very much aware of what behavior should be expected from Christians.
  • He made mention of God the other day … and then corrected himself and said, “I mean your God.  I guess it would be my higher power.”
  • He’s starting to volunteer to pray every once and a while at mealtime.
  • He made a point of making sure that we said a prayer for Ariel before she died.  And the next day, made a point of getting me {I stayed in the house with Piper} to come outside and say a prayer before her burial.

Keep praying for us … I know God has BIG plans for our family!

This post is linked up with Emily at Chatting at the Sky

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Posted in curt, faith, homeschooling, prayers, tuesdays unwrapped

20 May

a gift


What do you give to the man who has everything?  Or the man who doesn’t want or need what you give him, so he throws it away.  Yeah.  It’s like that.

And this year was a special milestone for the man born on 5.5.55.  A member of the 5th generation.  Born on the 5th day of the week.  Who has 5 children.  And turned 55 this year.  Oh! and tends to play 5 red in Vegas! ;)

Anyway, the pressure for something special was on.

Handmade and sentimental was definitely the way to go this year!

We all wrote little sentiments on index cards … 55 of them in total … and rolled them up and put them into a special birthday jar.

I modged podged some gift wrap to the jar {double-sided taped it first}, made a little tag and we were off to the races.

He loved it, the girls loved doing it, and it’s sitting proudly in the kitchen where he “unwraps” one sentiment for 55 days.

A definite hit this year!

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Posted in birthday, craft, creative, curt, gift idea

5 May

happy birthday :: happy anniversary

I honestly wasn’t planning on writing a post for the ol’ boy.  But after he excitedly ran up to me yesterday morning asking if I wanted to take a picture of him diving off a cliff … and after I looked at this photo with admiration … I decided I’d like to honor him on his special day {and our anniversary}.

Look at this guy.  He’s diving.  From a cliff.  Into a pile of rocks.  That’s my boy.  Plain and simple.

I love him for it and he drives me crazy for it.

He is an adventure freak and doesn’t seem to think much about the consequences.  I’ve pretty much given up on trying to tell him otherwise.  And I’m convinced this man has 9 {or more!} lives!

Let’s see … I’ll give you the short list on some of the lives he’s already used:

  1. He’s shot himself.  In the woods.  In the dark.  Early in the morning.
  2. He’s crashed an ultralight {plane} in the freezing cold waters of Lake Superior.
  3. He’s free-fallen in a {pressurized} helium balloon, attempting to make the world record to be the first to circle the globe in a balloon.  Finally stopped at 800 some feet before hitting the ground.

And how about a few things in our girls lives:

  1. Let them sit on the edge of a boat {that they shouldn’t of} and they fell into freezing water … before Wynter knew how to swim.  Piper surfaced, treading water, holding Wynter in one hand and her shoe in the other.
  2. He ties a sled to the back of a Suburban and takes them sledding through the northwoods.
  3. He has them hang on top of the Suburban and takes them through those same northwoods while holding on for dear life.
  4. He free-wheels over a golf course, in a golf cart … lost Wynter out of the cart and almost ran her over.

Okay … that’s enough … I’m starting to sweat a little. ;)

But you know what?  My kids love adventure.  They love finding creepy-crawlies … they hold creep-crawlies.  They know whether animals are nocturnal or not.  They know how to swim {yeah, after that spill with Wynter, we put them on the fast track!}.  They love big waves.  They know space and stars.  They’re honestly up for anything.

And it’s not because of me, that’s for sure.  I play it safe.  Pretty much all.of.the.time!

It’s because of this adventure-thrill-seeker man I married.

And that’s okay.  We give each other balance.  We’re yin and yang.  Black and white which equate the perfect shade of gray.

Happy Birthday & Happy Anniversary … you truly are my better half.

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Posted in curt, marriage